Strange Journey

Hey all!

This experience at my aunt's has had its ups and downs; I've discovered new passions and faced old demons. I've been doing a lot of thinking here, and I'm trying my best to move forward in my life.

It makes me think of life like a maze, you know? It's huge, and there are an infinite number of paths, and we somehow know the correct path to walk to ensure ourselves happiness. Okay, maybe that's not true for everyone, but that's the case for me. What we all are guilty of, however, is burdening our journey with our indulgences, the things we know are bad for us that make our journey a little more bearable. I know, I know, there's this caffeine addiction I have, but that's not what I'm getting at.

The things we think that define is drive us to do things that we're not proud of, drive us crazy. I haven't been myself these past few months, and how could I? I mean, I could keep lying to myself, but you're only free when you put in the work of breaking your chains. The person who's shackled me has donned me some thick, and so I'm not going to lie and say that I'm completely free.

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself and lying to myself. I'm tired of writing these posts with ulterior motives, and I hate being a slave to my pride. That's all it is, really, I believe (logically). Right now, the feeling of letting go is so attractive because I've put myself in a situation to think about the wonderful future I'm going to have, and I think that's what strong-willed people do. I want to be truly rid of my codependency, but I don't want to push others away in the process. I'm not going to let the person I've spent my whole life becoming die because I'm currently sick and enthralled with something perhaps more sick.

If you're still unsure as to what I'm talking about, don't worry about it. Just know that I'm well. I might have deleted a few posts, but that's for another time! Right now, I'm focusing on loving myself the way I did six months ago, and I'm currently striding for success.

Thank you for sticking around!

Jacob