I actually haven’t been able to find my headphones since Friday, and so my bus rides will drown me with shards of ambient noise in the ocean of silence. Maybe I could do for some silence; the music, at times, has averted my cautious gaze to blissful ignorance that will eventually destroy me.
But enough with the cryptic shit.
This past weekend was enjoyable! I was able to take some time to not only prepare myself for my future, but also to spend more time with my beloved girlfriend, Jess.
For those who didn’t read my last post (even though you, like, totally should), I have girlfriend now! She’s pretty much my world, and this weekend was integral in solidifying that. I don’t know what it is exactly about her, but she’s got me under her spell. I adore her—everything about her, really!
I love her to death, but sometimes, I feel a cold tentacle slithering on my shoulder. No, not from her, ya idiot, but instead, one of a more metaphorical origin.
I’m not trying to bring up the past, but I guess you can say I’ve got a form of pseudo-PTSD since the last girl I was in a serious relationship with. I’d like to think I’m a relatively cool and calculated-type dude for the most part. I’m nowhere near perfect, and I will admit that my worst quality (in terms of a relationship) is my jealousy.
It all started with Anna, and it happened with that other girl as well.
But it’s nothing serious; 95% of the time, I’m super happy with my girlfriend. I love spending time with her, and she and I have shared many a tender moment. This is a problem I’m going to have to work through myself.
While we’re talking about my deepest, darkest secrets, I guess I’ll address my fear of losing her. It’s from literally the same issue as before. Sometimes, I fear that I’m not good enough or I’m super boring. That’s the last thing I wanna be, you know? Sometimes, I feel like I’m truly just alone in my own mind. It’s not technically untrue I guess, but what a depressing way to look at things. And that’s why, even though it won’t be easy, I’ve decided to just go with the flow. I’m not going to let jealousy and a feeling of inadequacy consume my thoughts and mind. See, these feelings are just temporary and ultimately meaningless, but the way they make me act is tangible.
I’m quite surprised! I haven’t had a chance to play Persona 4 for the past two weeks. I thought I’d have beaten it by now, but I guess I’ve been busier. To be fair, this is my last week or so at school, so I’m gonna be grinding away at literally every assignment I didn’t turn in earlier this semester to salvage every class I’m struggling in. This means I won’t have time for games very much at all until I finally get to winter vacation. I want to play games with my new girlfriend. I want her to check out Persona 5!! If she likes the game, I swear I’ll propose to that woman.
That said, I just spent the last couple of minutes talking to her via text, as she just woke up from her nap or whatever. I know I owe you guys a longer post, but I just need some more me-time in the wake of the coming exams. I’m physically and mentally exhausted, and I’m not sure if I’ll make it out alive. If you don’t see another post from me, it means that the exams claimed me.
I hope you guys have a nice day/week/month until I post again.
later
No comments:
Post a Comment