Please Don't Take Off My Mask

Today’s Monday, October 2, 2017, and just like before, I’m in between classes. By the time I’m typing this sentence, it’s 2:20 PM, and by the time I’m finishing this post, it’s 2:56 PM. I’m listening to “Life Will Change” by  Lyn Inaizumi.

Forgive me if this post is a bit scatterbrained.

I guess you can say that I’m pretty passionate about keeping this record of my life. I mean, if I didn’t have this blog, what else would I have? I’m not talking like nihilistically or anything, but I really 

appreciate that I began blogging about my life, and truly wish that I had started doing it earlier in my life.

There are some snapshots in time I wish I could go back to and revisit the intense and direct feelings I had in the moment.

I guess the reason I’m bringing this up is because last Friday, I delved into some of my older posts that I made. As I’ve stated here before, while I enjoy all the people I know visiting my blog, the main reason (now) that I still try to keep up with it is because I don’t want to lose some of the most precious moments in my life. I hope that doesn’t sound too stupid. Sometimes, I’m just in a chill, or maybe even depressed mood, and I want to go back in time to relive some of the better times in my life.

You know how you remember the things that happened yesterday, but you don’t have any REAL distinct memories of it? Like… it’s not super clear. If something big happened, the memory can be more vivid, but if you just enjoyed your Sunday, then the entire day just sort of blends together.

That being said, this blog is a record of not only a time period in my life, but a specific day. It doesn’t have to be a special day; to be honest, I feel like the best posts are the ones in which I can just speak about what’s on my mind at the time in relation to the things going on in my life.

When I was looking at my older posts, I noticed a difference in the type of content I wrote about. Not only have I changed with age and time in general, but my posts are more existential than they were before. I used to just preach about my feelings. God, I was so happy-go-lucky.

I feel that, in time, perhaps I’ll feel even more down in the dumps about my life than I do now. I hope that’s not the case, but if it is, future Jacob, you have my condolences.

I’m looking forward to making more happy posts, the way I used to. I want these college years to be something of the beginning and ending of a dark period in my life. I want my first year to be a joyous as my first year. I want to rebuild all the bridges I’ve burned. I want to revisit the places that meant so much to me. I want to reconnect with those that I’ve lost along the way. I want to look back with no regrets. I want to be happy.

Today, I just went to both of my classes so far. I’ve got Editing and Publishing and an English Seminar. I absolutely detest the first class; the teacher is pretty bad at what she does, and I don’t think anyone likes her. I sort of feel bad for her in a way, but incompetence is not a valid excuse. For my English Seminar, the professor, Dr. Erin Frost, is fantastic. I’ve had her for another class last semester, and she was great and understanding. I didn’t make the best grade in that class, but I still admire her as both a professor and person all the same.

So, for my next class, Project Management, I’m working with, like, 8 other students (or something like that) on a campus-wide project that involves making a series of short films that highlight some of the campus organizations.

I have some sort of film background, and considering the little-to-zero background everyone else on my team has in filmmaking, I would like nothing more to head this project. It might sound bossy or micromanage-y, but I just want what’s best for the project. The project needs a confident AND competent backbone, and that’s something that simply won’t happen with our current leadership situation.

We’ve basically got some old chick named Kristen (she’s not actually old, but she’s like… 27 or some shit, and a returning student,) trying to pull the strings with absolutely no clue what she’s saying. To be fair, the art direction she’s going for is the same as the one I’m going for, but she doesn’t have the experience in filmmaking the way I do. And this time, I’ve got access to what could possibly be the best equipment I’ve ever had access to. It would be a shame to have all this potential go to waste. I just don’t know what to do… I could tell them that they’re wrong in efforts to salvage the project at the risk of team synergy, or I can just sit back and watch it all crumble before my eyes. Maybe I’ll do that one—I don’t have to be associated in any way. More details when the project is done in a couple months. 

I’m gonna head to my next class a little early, so I’ll leave it there for today. It was nice typing this out. I feel like I’ve already got a great topic for next time!

Thanks for reading!

Later, nerds.