You know, now that I'm thinking about it, I really can't come up with what I was going to write earlier. But even still, let's continue the journey we started about a week ago.
This might even be considered a "Rant Thursday"
I don't know if I mentioned it, but my mom got laid off of her job. Not gonna lie, I'm not sure whether or not it was because of the reason she told me, which was that there was a hiring freeze at the company for which she worked. As much as I want to believe her, and that she just got extremely unlucky, there's been "talk" that there was another reason she was fired.
Now, I'm not sure where the rumor started; I personally heard this from my grandma, who heard it through the grapevine. Apparently, she, at work, decided to "snort something in the bathroom," and got caught. Like I said, I have no way of knowing this, but I can't help but believe it. Why, you ask?
Well, it all goes back to the medicine that I take. It's called Ritalin. I blogged about this before, and how I intended to quit, as it was making my life a lot less bearable despite how it helps me. Well, it's no secret that both my mom and stepdad are prescribed the substance as well. Often times, They'll sell their whole bottle to a friend of theirs for loads of money, but starting with the beginning of this summer, it became glaringly obvious that they abused the substance as well.
See, when I took my Ritalin, I used it as intended-- sometimes even using less than what I needed, and because I had somewhat of a surplus, they'd often offer me money directly in exchange for some of my pills. Hmmm... why would they SELL their Ritalin if they need it? Is it because they just "need the money" and know they can get the extras of mine? Yep! You guessed right. I've even caught my mother stealing Ritalin from me before. It was more than knowing that I'd be deprived of the drug that kept me "sane" for the time, but rather the intense feeling of betrayal coming from the person that I felt that I trusted the most. I mean, I trust her now, but it's not her fault. She's made a lot of poor decisions in my lifetime, but it's my autonomic response to trust her. She's my mom, and it genuinely hurts me to think that she can be far less intelligent and "untouchable" as I thought she was growing up.
Sorry, I seem to have gotten distracted from my story.
Basically, I came the the conclusion that at least one of them was snorting the Ritalin when I used the bathroom in their bedroom. Usually, they are always trying to stop me from using that restroom because they openly keep their sexual stuff in there; it's stuff like KY Jelly and penis pumps and other disgusting garbage like that. But on that day, as I was peeing (lmao), I glanced over at the sink counter, and to my shock, I saw a dollar bill with trace amounts of powder still on it. It was conveniently lying next to a couple of Ritalin bottles. That's when it all clicked for me, midstream.
That's why I believed the rumor.
My mother, for my whole life, has been in the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program. She's always prided herself on being completely clean and sober for as long as I can remember. The opinion, the slightly fractured, but still intact image that I had of her completely shattered that day.
You know, when I came to visit her in her new apartment on my first weekend back from school this past year, I was going through an old closet in search of my 3DS for the upcoming Pokemon game. Buried deep inside of the closet, I found what I believe was a bottle of wine. If it was, then she's falsely touting her x years of sobriety as well.
And so all of this was just another brick in the wall for me. The day I stand tall in wonderment of my accomplishments is the day that I'm finally and ultimately liberated from my mother's financial assistance. I, of course, couldn't do that now (even though we're dirt poor because of her having lost her job) because she helps me pay my rent and for college.
As for my own drug addiction, I'm proud to report that I haven't taken my Ritalin since I last blogged (I believe), anyway.
Sorry this was so scatterbrained-- I just kind of let my thoughts flow onto the page, and they're not very well-composed.
Talk to ya soon.
l8a
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