Long time no-talk, huh? There's something I want to address, so please read 'til the end if you can!
This is going to be a pretty long post, I bet (even by my standards)! Hold on tight, friends.
I've settled into my apartment! It's pretty nifty so far! My favorite part about it is having my own room. See, I'm the kind of person who needs his own space to just go and exist. When I'm around people, it's draining, and that one place, my sanctuary, is where I can just go to recharge. I can definitely dig it.
I'm still living with Lestat. He and I have been getting along well this year. He's kind of invasive sometimes, which is why it was so hard to share a room with him. That being said, it's a lot better when I'm able to go off and not have to deal with him when he gets on my nerves. But that really hasn't happened this year; we seem to be inseparable. He and I go grocery shopping, and he's always kind enough to walk with me to get food and juice for my vape, even though he doesn't vape himself/when he isn't hungry. In that regard, there's a lot of stress taken off of me.
While I'm on the topic of Greenville, I'd be doing this whole blog-thing wrong if I didn't talk about how school's going! I feel like this semester's gonna be pretty spot-on, as I'm taking some pretty easy classes thus far. Now all I have to do is not fuck it up, and I'll be golden! I'm currently taking Astronomy (with the lab, of course,) Introduction to Professional Writing, Classics from Homer to Dante, and Non-Fiction Writing. I was also taking French 2003, but I decided to drop it, as it was with a different professor, and he expected us to know a lot more than we were taught. Bummer.
Regardless, wish me luck! :D
I've been talking to Ashley a bit. It's nothing special; she's still doing her thing. She wanted to read some of my stories, so I shared two of my stories I wrote for fiction writing class with her: Ravenous & Monster. She liked them, which reassured me a bit about my potential future in writing. She said that she'd like to read more. I told her that I'd let her know when I had a new release. Of course, I know that I probably won't have the time to write between school and my busy life. I love writing, don't get me wrong, but college is so time consuming, when I get home and finish my homework, I just want to mellow out and relax. I mean, just look at how infrequently I update this blog! I wish I could find the time, but life stands still for no one. So to her, I say that my next story won't be for a while (if ever,) but thanks for the support!
Yeah, so here's where I wanted to apologize. Well, I'm not apologizing to anyone in particular, but I definitely wanted to explain myself after my last post. After having read it again after about a month, it just doesn't sit right with me. I was such a bitter asshole about the whole Sarah and Kate situation. I mean I was hurt, but I think I went a little overboard. I guess it's a valuable post to reflect upon how high the tensions were this summer. Looking back, it was probably one of the worst summers I've had. Working at La Piazza was absolutely more stress than it was worth, and I let all that stress get to me. Yeah, I know that this blog is a place for me to vent, but it really isn't a reflection of who I am as a person, and I'm ashamed. Sure, Katie is an absolutely horrible person, and Sarah is spiteful towards me, but I didn't mean to dig so deep into them. When you are so desperate to find someone to be there for you, it hurts even worse when they treat you like trash. I'd like to think I was very mature in handling both of those situations in person, but not so much on my blog. Neither of them read this anyway, so I think I'm good. I'm gonna keep the post up if you still want to read it, but it definitely wasn't me speaking.
Summer brought many changes, both positive and negative. I think all of the tension was built up because of the mini-hell I trudged through for that last month or two. Firstly, there was the fact that I didn't have internet every other night. See, for a normal person, this wouldn't actually be a big deal, but it was pretty much my only way of unwinding. I lived with my mom and stepdad over the summer, so it's not like I had anything else to do after working every day. At night, I'd just have to go to sleep or play on offline game like Osu!. I mean, I know that kinda sounds pathetic, but I pretty much have no friends, so gaming is pretty huge for me. It's how I like to spend my free time, and I feel like I'm really happy when I'm playing a captivating game.
Secondly, I'd been hopping from home-to-home this past summer. Yeah, you read that correctly. See, Mom and Chris, my stepfather, have finally split up. I think it's for good this time. I'm so glad that Mom's made this choice, but I hate that she's had to endure all of this just to see how much he drained her on a daily basis. She's such a strong woman, and I'm so proud to see her spread her wings, and finally fly away from him. She's seemed so much happier since, save the memories of how much she loved him. She's moved from that wretched home into a home for rent in Smithfield. This, of course, meant that we'd have to spend a couple weeks at both my Grandma and my aunt's houses. It took a while, but I feel that when I settled into Suzie's house, I regained my equilibrium, and it felt great.
Moving on, this year is going to be spectacular, I can just feel it. I want to make it a habit to write more on my blog. It really makes me happy, and I feel that it's a bit therapeutic. For this reason you'll notice that I've updated the aesthetic of my blog a bit. Gone are the boring grey side-margins and frankly bland headers. In their place, of course, are things a little more pleasing to look at (at least I think so, anyway!) I made both of the images myself! The background is comprised of stylized Dance Gavin Dance-themed art pieces accompanied by a collage of beautiful (albeit overlapping for aesthetic purposes) lyrics from Dance Gavin Dance itself. Hope you like it! Give me some feedback, lovelies!
I wanted to bring up that I met this particularly wonderful person in my nonfiction class. I hope she doesn't mind me mentioning her here, but she's definitely changed my life these past few weeks. Have you ever looked at a person, and just known that they were filled with absolutely nothing but goodness and kindness. Yeah, me neither. Well, that is until I first heard her speak. When I saw her in class on the second day of class, I didn't think much of her. I guess that's because I didn't know what to think, honestly. The key detail is that I remembered not having seen her before, and that I heard the teacher say her name. The following day, Lestat and I went to the grocery store (as we often do) to pick up some snacks and soda to accompany our sweet Hajime no Ippo marathon. It was there, at the front of the store I saw her. Behind the register stood THAT girl. Now, I didn't know who THAT girl was, but I knew that I had seen her before, and I knew that I had a class with her. I guess it just didn't register in my head that I had seen her only the day before. It wasn't until she rang us up in the check-out line that I recognized the name written on her name tag, and the memories came flooding back. I asked her if she was in noniction class, to which she replied "Yes," affirming my suspicions. She and I talked as I was checking out. She said that she was excited for the class, and also kept a blog, just like me. I was tongue-tied and socially awkward as I usually am with new people, but she was really cool about it, and was awesome enough to hook us up with some MVP cards to save us some cash.
After walking out of the store, Lestat said something along the lines of "Oh wow! She's from your class, huh?" But I couldn't quite muster the strength to respond. It was so odd, but I must admit that I was taken aback by her. What I saw back there wasn't something that was apparent or superficial, but deep-seated. She was just... kind. And she just seemed so genuine and selfless. She seemed happy and hopeful. It kinda freaked me out. I usually don't believe in this kinda thing, but I felt a sort of energy from her. It was overwhelming and uplifting. I smiled, and replied, "Yeah. She's really nice, isn't she? "
It wasn't until I truly met her did I realize how wonderful and compassionate she was. I get the vibe that she's this person filled with hopes and dreams and ambitions. To put it poetically: Perhaps, her mind is shrouded by darkness and pain, but inside, I see a bright beam of happiness and optimism that is unparalleled by anyone I've ever met before. I'm fortunate enough to still talk to her quite a bit, and I'd like to think that we've grown closer over the past couple of weeks. I can't help but always think That's how I want to be. I want to have the strength to keep on going no matter what. That's the strength I see in her. I aspire to see the world in the total light, as apposed to the dimly lit fog I see it through today. Maybe she secretly sees the world through the same set of eyes, but within her lies the strength to set herself free. What I'm referring to, of course, is wisdom. She's the only person I've seen who exudes anything like that, and it's truly inspiring. I find it so weird that, even though we've talked for maybe a total of 20 minutes, I feel like she's helped me find a piece of myself that I had thought I had lost long ago. I'd like to extend a "thank you" to her, but I wouldn't feel like it's enough. I'm glad to have her as a friend, and I hope that I can help her smile in the wake of devastation, as she has for me.
Jeez, this post was long. I've been writing this for like 45 minutes now! I suppose it was a nice little break from my late-night homework grind! I hope you all are doing well, and I'd like to thank you for making it to this point. You guys/gals are the best!
Until next time,
Jacob
P.s
Check out the new Dance Gavin Dance Single, it's fire as fuck! :D
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