Well, it’s been a while. You know, as much as I love writing here, I always associate my posts with some sort of pain that I want to expunge. As much as I feel that I’d love to write here when I’m super happy, I feel as though I’d rather continue living my life without making a huge deal of it.
But maybe I should regularly post here. I’ve been saying it for what seems like (and probably what has been) years now. I feel like when I look back, I’d prefer to relive the truly splendid moments as well! In this regard, however, I’m not sure if time will allow me to make posting every day or even every week a possibility. I do, after all, have school coming up here soon.
Regardless, there are some things that I’d like to share with you guys, so let’s dive in! This might be a long one, but I hope you can find it in your schedule to read the whole thing.
Finishing my second year at ECU was a little bittersweet, I must admit. I feel that I didn’t perform as well as I could have this year, but I have no clue as to how I can fix the issues I’m facing with school. I know that I can stay motivated, but I realize that things are only going to become more difficult when I get my apartment for this upcoming year. I think so because getting to class on time will become much more of a struggle, as will making it to French engagement credit events. While I’ve still managed to maintain “good” academic standing, my GPA is not quite where I’d like it to be at the moment. That’s one of the several reasons as to why I’ve decided to switch my major to English.
Oh, boy, I never quite imagined I’d switch to English. Just a year ago, I considered it to be an absolute waste of money and time, but I’m convinced that I’ll be able to succeed assuming I can still get into law school! I figure if I apply to every Ivy League school plus Duke, I’ll be statistically able to get into at least one of them! With that being said, I will ENSURE that I succeed. It’s all a work in progress at the moment, but I understand that this feeling is natural, as a large chunk of college students my age are switching majors in the desperate attempt to find something they enjoy doing.
Moving on, I’ve officially stopped talking to Sarah. Remember that girl I may or may not have mentioned last year? Well, that ended in May. It wasn’t a relationship or anything, but I sort of feel relieved to have her off of my back. As rude as it sounds, she was a bit of an “emotional leech”. When I say “emotional leech,” I mean that I strongly feel that she only talked to me to sate her boredom and dump her feelings to me to hear herself talk and to, perhaps, get emotional support in return. I sincerely wouldn’t have had a problem with this if she had given a shit about me whatsoever. She never asked me how I felt, and I didn’t feel her emotional presence. It’s like we were unable to connect in any way. For this reason, I felt less and increasingly less urge to respond to her texts when she’d contact me. I mean, I didn’t flat-out ignore her, but I often found myself more preoccupied with other things. She’d always get really mad when I didn’t respond, though. I mean, I really didn’t have any obligation to reply to her; I wasn’t her boyfriend or anything. So when she finally got an actual boyfriend, she made a point to let me know that she didn’t care about me anymore, completely burning bridges with me (on my birthday, no less). It hurts a bit, I’ll say, because she was in my life for so long. Now that I look back, it feels a bit better, because I remember how much I invested in her emotionally, and how little she returned. She’s definitely no Ashley, and she’s 100% not going to get any more than this one paragraph devoted to her. Regardless of what’s happened, though, I hope she’ll find happiness. She’s not a bad person, and I want her to succeed in life.
What’s next? Oh yeah! There was another girl who I WAS emotionally involved with (kind of) recently. I know I have a tendency to make these type of relationship stories super long, so I’ll give you the abridged version.
I’m the best busser at my restaurant. As modest as I act, I’m not sure anyone could deny that fact. I just work harder than anyone else, and am respected accordingly. This summer, as I returned to good ol’ La Piazza, I found that a new busser started working at the same time that I returned. Her name is Kate. Essentially, she’s the same age as me, and she attends Weslyan, a school in Rocky Mount. I’m, of course, familiar with this school, because it’s the one that Ashley attends (or attended, not sure if she got kicked out. I don’t think she did though, she always performed particularly well in school). I talked to her bit, and I actually think she met Ashley before. “Isn’t she the girl who had that boyfriend who was threatening to kill himself all the time,” she asked. I immediately smiled and thought, “Oh, Kevin,” and shook my head. We had a really interesting dynamic, Kate and I. She was pretty chill, it seemed, and I really enjoyed talking to her. She wasn’t extraordinarily pretty, but she was kinda cute, I guess. The issue is, seeing as how my manager is a woman, and is the type of person who makes her decisions almost exclusively on emotion, she gave Kate all these opportunities to start serving and stuff like that, something I’ve been working more than three years to achieve. I’m gonna be real with you guys, she’s actually a pretty shitty busser, but I’ve definitely seen worse. Yet, despite working five days a week, she still feels the need to give Kate all these opportunities.
That’s not the part that pisses me off, though. Lisa, my braindead manager, thinks that it’s a wonderful idea to put Kate on serving when she’s bussing alongside me. Yeah, as it gets busier and harder to keep up, it’s a fucking AMAZING idea to leave me alone to work all alone while she gets to lounge around, doing less work while I bust my ass for less money. I would NEVER do that to anyone. Well, it’s not like I’d ever have the chance to do that anyhow; every time she asks me to take a table, it still means I have to do my bussing job too, which is always excessively overwhelming. As a result, she assumes that I don’t like to serve. But Kate will most certainly stab her friends in the back for her own gain. Never before have I met someone so fucking blatantly selfish while attempting to maintain the guise of innocence.
Oh yeah, I mentioned that I was “emotionally involved” with her. So pretty much, in the middle of this all, we “dated”. And by “dated,” I mean, she said that she liked me, and we planned on spending time together, but she’d always cancel at the last second. And whenever I’d try to make conversation with her at work, she’d totally ignore me. My loathing for her began, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t text her all day last Thursday, and, as if on que, she texted me saying she just wanted to be friends. God, you don’t know how relieved I was. I didn’t wanna be the dick who broke up with a girl via text, and she was sooo boring and a total bitch to me. I’m trying to not be bitter the way I am with my exes, but she’s such a fucking condescending cunt, and this is a special case of an ex of mine actually being a legit bitch. I don’t know if Ashley still reads this shit, but if you are, Ashley, please let her know that she’s a very bad person of you see her! ;D I know you’ve got my back, homie. I would do the same for you.
Wrapping this post up, I’d like to lament that my internet has been going out every two days. It’s so annoying, because it stops working at night, so I’m not able to relax after an AIDS night working with Kate. I wanna say that my life is in a pretty shitty spot right now, but I feel like I’m making it through. You know, I feel that I’ve been battling this sort of depression that’s been going in and out lately. But I’m feeling alright now at the moment! I hope you all are doing the same.
If you made it to the end, I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Even if you didn’t thanks for not forgetting about me! :D
Later nerds,
~Jacob
P.S.
OMG AS I FINISHED THIS POST THE INTERNET CAME BACK YAY!!!@!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNHc9uwJza0
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