So this week is so weird. I feel like it's gone by slowly, even though it really hasn't gone by at all. It's only Tuesday. Yesterday I felt like it was a Thursday or something. So I've been working on my poetry lately, and I've been rather satisfied as to how it's turned out. Additionally, I've contemplated writing a Pokemon fanfiction. If there's anything you should know about me, it's that I HATE the term fanfiction. When I hear fanfiction, I think of the awful, cheesy, insufferable pieces stories written by illiterate twelve year olds. I know not all fanfictions are like this, but I believe that a particular standard should be kept when writing them. It's just all the too seldom that you'll find a masterfully crafted fan story, between all of the gut-wrenchingly bad crossovers, mischaricterizarion, and just... indescribable atrocities in general. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I think, when it comes to fiction, I can weave a relatively decent tale. And ever since I was a child, I'd have these fantasies about existing in the Pokemon universe. So that's what I'd really like to write about. I wouldn't want to label it as fanfiction, but that's the category it falls under.
Life had felt comfortable for this past month. Now, the harsh reality of feeling lonely is kinda coming back to me. Maybe it's me. My personality. The way I exhibit myself to others. But it feels like no matter what I do, how hard I try, I can't feel complete. I don't know how to explain it, but essentially, I never feel like I receive as much love as I give. It's always been that way. I wish I could be like some people, and hold my head high and not give a shit at all. But I care too much. And recently, I've come to just accept this fact. Like with my exes. I try to be all buddy-buddy, but deep down, I can't express how I really feel. Even if I did, I'd just be doing what drove my exes away... being too over-dramatic, taking things too personally. I'm lying to them and myself when I pretend that I'm doing fine. And I see how happy they are, and I remember that I don't have anyone, or anything, to fill the void. Maybe I'm depressed. But I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. Taking anti-depressants may take the painful nostalgia away, but they won't be the thing that fills that void.
Enough depression, though. I don't know what else to talk about, really, so I'll leave you with this quote from Tite Kubo.
“We should not shed tears
That is a surrender of the body to the heart
It is only proof
That we are beings that do not know
What to do with out hearts”
Well, that's all for today. I wanna type more, but I'm not sure what to talk about. Thug life.
Life had felt comfortable for this past month. Now, the harsh reality of feeling lonely is kinda coming back to me. Maybe it's me. My personality. The way I exhibit myself to others. But it feels like no matter what I do, how hard I try, I can't feel complete. I don't know how to explain it, but essentially, I never feel like I receive as much love as I give. It's always been that way. I wish I could be like some people, and hold my head high and not give a shit at all. But I care too much. And recently, I've come to just accept this fact. Like with my exes. I try to be all buddy-buddy, but deep down, I can't express how I really feel. Even if I did, I'd just be doing what drove my exes away... being too over-dramatic, taking things too personally. I'm lying to them and myself when I pretend that I'm doing fine. And I see how happy they are, and I remember that I don't have anyone, or anything, to fill the void. Maybe I'm depressed. But I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. Taking anti-depressants may take the painful nostalgia away, but they won't be the thing that fills that void.
Enough depression, though. I don't know what else to talk about, really, so I'll leave you with this quote from Tite Kubo.
“We should not shed tears
That is a surrender of the body to the heart
It is only proof
That we are beings that do not know
What to do with out hearts”
Well, that's all for today. I wanna type more, but I'm not sure what to talk about. Thug life.
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