Too Much is Never Enough

Hey. It's been like a month since I've last posted, hasn't it? Well, something like that. Anyway, I feel like I've been gaming so much in my absence from blogging. I finished the game Beyond: Two Souls, which was a fantastic game, even if some of the potential endings felt a little cheesy or lazy. Regardless, it was an incredibility powerful tale that touched my heart in some of the ways Heavy Rain did.

My latest obsession, however is the new set of games that have come out, Pokemon X & Y.  I got Y version, and I must say that I've embarked on quite the journey. Within a week of starting, I've already accumulated over 40 hours of gameplay. To get all mathematical, 40 hours is a little under 1/4 of the number of hours in a week, meaning that I've spent 1/4 of my time this week grinding hour after hour to catch, battle and take care of my digital creatures. All between school and work, too. But man, it's time well spent. I've enjoyed Pokemon since the Red and Blue Versions of the games, and it really takes me back the days of my boyhood to blitz through another game. Now, I'm just trying to perfect my team.

So a couple weeks ago, I dated this girl named Marin. Ehh. I don't know what happened there. Fuck, I don't even know what to think about us as friends. Let me tell you, she's the most negative person in the world toward herself. She absolutely loathes herself. She calls herself a "stupid bitch" or "fucking whore" when she fucks up. I mean, I beat myself up when I make a mistake, but she really takes the cake on this one. Additionally, she's just so damn awkward. She's got awful social anxiety. When she is around people she's a little more comfortable with, she's able to have hold a conversation that doesn't seem extremely forced. Unfortunately for me, this is not the case. When we're talking, I try to be really nice to her because she's always getting discouraged about one thing or another. She and I talk on Facebook, and she's usually pretty chill about it. She'll say I'm so sweet and that she wants to give me a huge hug the next day. When the next day comes, I would approach her, and she'd kinda give that cute grin of hers, as if she was embarrassed by something I had said. She wouldn't give me the hug, either. I had to offer her a hug to get her to come up and hug me. She's just a nervous wreck. But at the same time, I kinda feel for her. I understand what it's like to have a type of social anxiety. I know what it's like to not be able to become too attached to people. But I've tried to let her know that I was here for her, and to not put herself down, but she refuses to stop, and insists that I'm wasting my time on her. I wouldn't say a word about this if it were this simple, though. She may be socially awkward, but since she's a girl, people are more naturally attracted to her, and that attitude she has. As a result, she has more friends than I do. And some of the guys hang out with her because they like her. Ugh. I don't know about myself anymore, though. I guess I kinda like her still, but I remember that when we were dating that it was totally awkward between us. So I'm not missing it too much. What is a relationship more than a state of mind, even if simply one of loving unity? I mean, she and I share virtually the same kind of relationship now than when we did date. Why am I more miserable? Why do I have to date her to feel content with the way we are? Regardless, she sorta kinda flirts with me. Like I asked her for a Pokemon, Haunter, to trade to me to evolve into Gengar. When she told me that she had gotten it, I asked her what nature it was (which is a specific set of stat-boosters for each Pokemon you capture). She told me that it had been a "Lonely" nature. I told her that I would prefer if it had been a "Hasty" nature, but was super grateful that she had gone out of her way to catch that Pokemon for me. She then made it her mission to catch a whole bunch of Haunter until she got the nature I had wanted, even after I had continually told her that it was alright. And just the little sweet things she says. I wonder if she says that to all of the guys she talks to. My friend Colin really likes Marin, and talks to her every day. And being the type of person he is, he probably has said sweet things to her like I have. So she's probably told him that she loves him, and that he's her best friend... just like she has me. When I asked her if she had liked Colin, she replied saying that he had been too flirty with other girls for her taste. She did, however, confess that she had a major crush on him at one point, which I have no real problem with. I just... sorta kinda have a crush on her, but I constantly feel like I'm being cockblocked by Colin. And I think that our friendship is more important than some girl anyway. There just seems to be a little tension between us sometimes. It's just really hard. I don't want to feel like I'm always competing with him over Marin's attention.

But anyway, time has shown me that in order to move on, I have to just be positive, live happy, and find another girl who I can relate to. Someone who makes me as happy as I make her. :)

Anything else noteworthy to talk about? Uhmmmm... nothing comes to mind at the moment, but if I feel the need to add anything, I'll just post more often! ^-^ It was rather nice venting. I should do this more often.