Hey!
So you might have noticed that the title says "Rant Thursday". Maybe this could be a thing? Not sure. I'm obviously not too consistent with this blog, but I think it could be a cool thing. I do have a lot to rant about after all. Maybe it'll be a one time thing. Maybe not.
So you know, I'm gonna be honest, I'm definitely disappointed. I never in my life have thought of my mother any differently than I always have. She's always kinda been that beacon of warmth of kindness that has fueled me going forward. She's probably the reason I am the way I am, and I honestly wouldn't change any of it for the world. Well, maybe I'd change some things, but that's another story for another time.
The thing about my mom though, is that she always dates blatantly horrible guys. Like, these motherfuckers are hardcore assholes, and it's honestly no wonder they're single. Growing up, I've never had a real father figure in my life since my biological father is a scumfuck embarrassment. I'd watch as her current boyfriend/husband treats her like shit from day to day, but never being able to get them out of my life.
Of course, what's perhaps more disgusting is how she tried to justify their actions. Most specifically, the actions of the one man that changed my life forever, for better or worse.
His name is Chris. After continuing to assure me that she wouldn't date another alcoholic, she brought that sack of shit home with her one night. To be honest, not all of the guys that she brought home acted like insufferable pricks from the very beginning, but this one was the exception. He had what I thought at the time to be a temper problem, and I despised him from the very first day.
At the time, we lived in a small apartment in Apex, and I was actually starting to enjoy my life. I started my first semester at Apex High School, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. In the process, however, we ended up moving in with him at his home on the border of Garner and Clayton. If you don't know the area, it's smack in the middle of farmland and woods. I refuse to neglect the fact that there were Bojangles as far as the eye can see. It's the type of place in which rednecks all hang out in the parking lot of Walmart or Cookout and blare Rhinestone Cowboy on loop from the giant speakers on the back of the truck in between the beer cooler and the gun rack.
So as you could imagine, it was pretty shitty for someone like me. Admittedly, I had a pretty cringy image myself back then. I was ridiculously overweight, yet wore mega tight skinny jeans with my signature studded rainbow colored belt. Yeah, I pretty much want to forget that period of my life all together.
We're getting off-topic, so I think I'll move us forward.
So I ended up switching schools in the middle of the first semester to this hick school called Cleveland High. While I look back fondly on my times there now, I absolutely hated it. It was partly because I lost contact with all of my friends back in Apex, but mainly because I had to move in with him. You have to understand that, at that point, I had seen it all before. Everything would be fine for a few months, hell, maybe even a year, and then my mom would get hurt, come to her senses, and leave the bastard.
Well, despite everything that she endured, she stayed with him as years passed. I learned to coexist with him, but I always wondered why she put up with it all. At first, she used the defense of "I made vows when I married him." That one's a classic, let me tell you. It's most definitely ironic because he clearly didn't give fuck all about HIS vows.
Now here's the thing you need to know about Chris: he's mentally ill. Chris suffers from an extremely volatile form of bipolar disorder. I grew to understand him, and even sort of pity the mental discomfort he'd suffer from day to day. To be honest, I still do feel that way.
When he took his medicine, it clearly wasn't effective, but he had no intention of changing a thing about it. Do I know what it's like to suffer from depression and bipolar firsthand? No, not really, but he seemed content when things were just going his way.
But let me assure you, even when he was going through a manic shift, he'd still be a total dick to us. While I feel that his mental disorder is a very heavy thing for Chris to deal with, I KNOW that that's not why he's bad for my mother. Sure, I'm not going to discount the nice things he's done to me, but I just cannot forgive him for the things he's done to my mom.
So the summer before this past one, my mom found naked pictures of another woman on his phone. Not completely uncommon right? Wrong, because they were nudes from a woman in the program they both go to, Alcoholics Anonymous. Fuck anonymity for a second here.
There were also some pretty spicy text conversations between the two, which served as what I had though (and frankly hoped) would be the end of Chris.
Unfortunately, he sweet-talked my mom back, and they went to marriage counselling for like two weeks, and that was the end of that. Things pretty much went back to normal after that.
Despite my protesting, my mom didn't listen to me, but assured me that she "found her voice" in the relationship, and wouldn't tolerate any of his shit anymore. Haha, nice joke mom.
My family members were skeptical about my mom going back to him too. But they all ended up hating his guts, as they should have, when he made an incredibly racist comment about my grandma's black boyfriend. It was completely unwarranted, and as a result, nobody wanted him at the Christmas eve party.
Now, this past summer, I worked a shit ton, and got my sleep schedule all messed up. The seasonal insomnia kicked in, and I was waking up at like 4 PM, and going to bed at like 6 or 7AM. This wasn't a bad thing, because I didn't have any friends nearby because I wasn't at my college, and all I had to do was go into work at 5PM. The thing is, I'd play video games all night to unwind from the long and grueling shift at La Piazza. It was my thing, and I enjoyed it. But tragedy struck when the internet stopped working. It would just shut off every couple of nights all night long. So I had very little to do some nights. I implored my mom and Chris to look into the internet. I mean, how are you going to pay for internet if it's only going to work half the time. I'd be outraged myself.
Weeks passed, and I very infrequently inquired about the internet problem. Chris got really pissed off about it, and told me that he didn't give a shit. Then, our AC broke, and I was like "Ugh, it's so hot. I hate this." I probably said it once or twice and he snapped.
He ended up telling my to get my stuff and leave. Talk about a psychopath. And the most fucked up part is that my very own mother defended him. "Well, it was annoying. He thought that you were insulting him." WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? I don't know if you guys have ever been without AC in the summer, but it's absolutely disgusting. I wasn't insulting anyone, and I honestly don't see how you can get offended by me saying that. I never said a single malicious thing to him that time. I guess it was the beginning of my disappointment in my mother.
So I stayed at my aunt's for the week while my mom and Chris stayed in a hotel to not have to endure the heat. That's when Chris went too far.
I don't know all the details, but apparently Chris said some nasty shit about me to my mother at the hotel. Also, he was being an asshole to her. It all ended with them driving home together in the car, pissed at each other. Chris then put his hand over my mother's face as she drove the car. Luckily, they didn't crash. He then threw his wedding ring out the window.
When they arrived home, my mother rushed to the bedroom to pack her stuff. He pinned her to the bed. She punched him in the face.
She called the police, and when they arrived, he tried to convince them that she attacked him because she ended up hitting him. It's good fortune that one of the cops believed her, because the other one was being all buddy-buddy with Chris. They arrested him.
While my grandma (who lives with my aunt) and I were making a trip to the vet to get one of the puppies spayed, we got a call from my aunt, telling us what happened. We immediately headed to my house.
I wanted to kill him. I wanted the satisfaction of seeing the life draining from his body. He had taken it way too far, and if he hadn't been arrested, his guts would have hit the floor that day. I'm not an angry person, and much less homicidal, but after the summer I had between dealing with that bitch Kate from work and the whole internet thing.
That same day, I accompanied my mother to an apartment complex that she hastily found online. She signed a lease that day to move in in about a month from that time.
My mom and I stayed with my aunt for a few weeks, but had to move in with my other aunt for the remainder of my summer because they needed the spare room we slept in to host the foreign exchange student that was coming.
I moved off to college in wake of all of that bullshit, and I've learned that my mom has been talking to Chris again. I guess you can say that this is where the actual rant begins.
HOW? WHY THE FUCK?
Like seriously, how the fuck are you going to do that? Do you not have any self-respect? Growing up, you haven't always been consistent, but one thing that you've always told me is that there are two 100% deal breakers for you: cheating and beating. Well, my boy Chris has checked both of those boxes, how hasn't he? That manipulative slimefuck has won. After each time he'd pull shit like this and my mom decided to go back, I always ask her "how much is too much? Are you just going to let him step all over you forever? Do you have no respect for anyone in your family? He's hurt us, and you most of all."
Well now, I don't have any hope. I feel really sorry for her. I feel genuinely and honestly sorry for my mother. Why she would go back to someone that any other woman in the world would have left after he dropped all the red flags in the first three months. Those left over would have left when he either cheated on you or beat you. Do you not have any standards? Do you ignore the fact that he's a fucking monster because you love him? There has to be a point where he crosses the line, and he's actually done so countless times. I now am convinced that there's nothing he could do to make her come to her senses.
She said that she never felt physically threatened by him before. Well look what he's gone and done. I understand that he has a mental illness, and he's used that to mitigate the consequences of his actions a billion times before. I understand that bipolar is a colossal mountain that is so incredibly difficult, if not impossible to overcome, but it's beyond that point. You knew what you were doing, Chris, and you give people with good hearts that also struggle with mental illness a bad name.
I'm going home for the holidays on Sunday, and you can bet your bet your bottom dollar that I'm not coming back to that house. I'd rather sleep on the streets. Fortunately, my family (who also want to murder him) have offered to take me in.
Chris, I've never said this unironically before, but here goes...Kill yourself, my man.
The world would be better off without you scumfucks taking advantage of and brainwashing nice people. It's not because you're lazy and don't do the work that your clients hire you to do, not because after your day of doing nothing, you want to talk down to my mom and I after we both get home from crippling workdays. The reason I want you to put a fucking bullet in your head is because I know that you're going to break her fucking heart again, and she's gonna come crawling back. You're a disgusting sociopath child, not because of your mental illness, but because it's who you are.
Rant over.
That got heated.
Hope nobody got offended.
He's just a really bad dude.
I'm sure you'd agree if you knew it all.
Later nerds.
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