Fear?

I don't know what's come over me. I really don't know how to explain this. I'm shaking all over. What is this feeling? Why is this taking control of me? Why? I've never experienced anything like this before. This is as close to a nervous breakdown as I've ever been.

It's funny how seeing a single thing can trigger a million emotions and memories to come back.
It hurts. Psychological agony is an inadequate illustration of these feelings. The constant twitching that prevents me from competently typing right now is making my conscious want to pry itself from my flesh.

The tears have started. I've practically lost control of myself. This was supposed to be a new beginning. I want things to change. I want everything to be alright. I don't want anyone to harbor any ill-will towards me. But why am I shaking so much?

I suppose I'm actually terrified because of the things I can't change. I'm nostalgic about the past. It's not like I want things to be the same; I want to prove that I've overcome these nightmares. I want to prove that I've ascended from my horrible actions. Maybe I'm terrified of facing them. A part of me wants to co-exist with these demons, while another part of me wants to run away in fear.