I was working on a really really really long post (called I'll Take You There), and I didn't have time to finish it on the intended day. And as the days would go by, my feelings about the current drama in my life had evolved. As a result, my ability to write the post was impaired. Allow me to explain.
You all know how I love writing stories, right? Well, at the time, I felt the urge to write a story about my relationship with this girl named Caroline, both romantic and friendly. It was sort of in the style of "The Story of Ashley", but not with the same intentions.
See, when I wrote Ashley's story, there was a (stupid) speck of hope that maybe if she had read it, she would understand how much she meant to me and try to make it work. I mean, I was infatuated with her. And maybe I was infatuated with Caroline. But Caroline doesn't read my blog, so posting the story doesn't feel the same.
It must be because I'm a stronger person than I was before. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but it's true. The girls that I've dated over the course of my teenage years have helped shape the person I've become today. And Ashley was that major catalyst that urged me to toughen up. I used to say this with a bit of spite in my voice, but the relationship I had with Ashley really helped me invaluably.
This experience has also taught me how weak I still am, and how much I need to grow.
Getting back to the point I was making before, I wasn't writing it because I was desperate for her attention, but because I was disappointed by the way it ended. Or, at least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself.
Anyway, I’ve really enjoyed vlogging over the past couple days. It’s helped me sort of keep up with my blog, and it’s allowed me to speak about my problems firsthand. I think I’m gonna do it more often. I’ll include those below If you’re interested.
Anyway, thank you for tuning back into Jacob’s Japanese Journey. I’ll post when I can.
March 2nd 2015
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