"Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner"

Hello ladies and gentlemen. Haha I typed "fentlemen" at first. That's cute.

So like I posted on Facebook today, I stayed home from school today. I asked "Have you ever woken up one day with the urge to, instead of going to school, sit around all day listening to Fall Out Boy? No? Guess that's just me." Well, for me today was that day, and it was totally worth it! 

Today I was thinking about my language studies, and I thought the best way to feel content with myself, and convince myself that I've been productive would be to post on my blog! Well, something that isn't a non-sensical attempt at poetry or me simply bitching about my love life. So hi. How ya doin'? Actually, no need to answer that. Because if you're doing well, I don't wanna ruin the moment for you, and if you're doing shitty, then I don't wanna trick you into believing that the words you're looking at right now can provide you with any sense of relief. I do care, though, and I hope you're doing swell.

 I guess I put some thought today into how I act in person compared to how I act when I write. I feel so at ease when I can type my thoughts out. I feel like I can effectively come up with the best and most clever things to say within the boundaries of my vocabulary. But in person, I guess I don't play it so cool. I think it's the nervousness I have. I suppose deep down inside, I'm insecure, broken. I even get that way with people I care about. 

This person once told me that I wouldn't express my feelings in real life the way I would over the phone or over text. I couldn't see it until today, really. But maybe it's true. I mean I tried hard, and had every intention of being open and honest in person, but I have come to terms with the fact that I act a little less comfortable in real life. You see, I sort of have this social anxiety. Like I'm constantly thinking that others will judge me for the things I do, no matter how small. And I constantly beat myself up because of it, when in reality, nobody is judging me, and I'm only hurting myself. 

But you know, I'm not perfect. No one is. And I see my flaws, and I'm working one day at a time to improve myself. And one day I hope I can find a lady who will support me the whole way, no matter that. Someone kind, compassionate, caring and understanding. And if they can't be there for me emotionally, then it wasn't meant to be. I won't settle for any less than a lovely woman who has ambitions of her own, and is open and passionate. I know she's out there. And darling, I hope I find you in the near future. 

Wow! That got crazay really fast. xD If I post tomorrow, I'll talk about something less feel-y. I promise! 

Love you all! :D listen to Fall Out Boy! Get their amazing music perminately stuck in your brains like they did to me. >:)

~Jacob (⌒▽⌒)